Cisco WAN :: HWIC-3G-CDMA-S - Can't Access Router From Internet

The problem is I can't access the router from the internet. I am also an ocean away from the site. I have an ugly hack set up where I access an inside PC with Teamviewer and then puTTy to the router, but it is slow, ugly, and doesn't fix my problem. I need to be able to set up internet accessible servers at this location for VOIP, VPN, and REAL remote access.Everything else works fine. Connection is stable. Speed is kinda ******, but that's not so important.
 
First off some specs:Cisco 2801c2801-ipvoicek9-mz.124-24.T1.binhwic-3g-cdma-sSprint 3G data plan 

Ok, I have set up the previous equipment as a router for a branch office where 3G access is the only available internet access.I have had the excruciating experience of talking with Sprint Tech Support, and would rather shoot myself in the foot than do so again.
 
Here is what they told me: "They block ports, but they can't tell me which ones."Here is relevant info I have been able to gather.The IP connection the ISP gives us is not NATTED. That is the address at wimi.com and show int dialer 0 is the same one.Most forums say Sprint only blocks port 80.Zenmap (nmap for windows) says the router has NO open ports but DOES exist.Router does not respond to pingsCan't SSH into router from internetCan't access a test local server with port 8080 or 8081 open with the correct nat statement in Cisco routerNo filtering access-list for testing The config should be just fine as a base config for using hwic-3g-cdma-s as the main internet access interface for a router. Everything works fine aside from the lack of remote access.
 
So in my head it has to be one of 3 problems.

1. The card is doing some weird stuff to incoming requests

2. Sprint is blocking WAN requests on port 22, 2200, 8080, and 8081 and pings (tested). Maybe they block all WAN requests?

3. There is something wrong with my config.
 
why I can't remote access into my router or things to try with the config?

Below are some config pastes:
 
chat-script cdma "" "ATDT#777" TIMEOUT 60 "CONNECT"
!
ip ssh authentication-retries 2
ip ssh port 2200 rotary 1
ip ssh version 2

[code]....